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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29486739">Eager</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aretaic/pseuds/aretaic'>aretaic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Eventual Romance, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Friends to... Not Quite Friends, Friendship, Longing, Mutual Pining, One step forward two steps back, Pining, Romance, Slow Burn, Touching</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:35:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29486739</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aretaic/pseuds/aretaic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which JJ learns about Emily and Fiona’s history and starts to look at things a little differently.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Eagerness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>eagerness</b><br/>noun</p><p>the state of wanting to do or have something very much, especially something interesting or enjoyable</p><hr/><p>
  
</p><hr/><p>She had heard about it from Spence.</p><p>Not that she was actively fishing for it. It was just one of those slow days (what may be considered “slow” in their profession is probably a usual day for others) where serial killers all over the country must have simultaneously decided to take a vacation. That meant a day of writing reports and doing consultations. That also meant idle chatter in the bullpen.</p><p>And it just so happened that the topic of Fiona Duncan had been brought up.</p><p>JJ remembered her from Spencer’s arraignment. It was a tense time for all of them. The timing and setting weren’t exactly the most conducive to creating new friendships, but they had been briefly acquainted. From the way she handled the courtroom, the woman was quite intimidating — no doubt a very useful trait in handling uncooperative clients and impressionable juries. And from what she’d heard from Spence, she was very resolute. Even though they were at a disadvantage in fighting the charge, she had been ready and willing to fight tooth and nail for his freedom. He suspected that a big part of that had to do with Emily’s faith in his innocence.</p><p>Fiona was introduced as Emily’s old friend, but apparently — a little something from the grapevine — Emily hadn’t been completely forthcoming about the nature of their relationship. Well, <em>past</em> relationship. Not that she was obligated to disclose anything to them. And as they’d already experienced first-hand, the woman was a treasure chest of secrets.</p><p>JJ hadn’t suspected anything at first. She thought they were close from how familiar they were with each other. They were friends after all. Women touch each other all the time.</p><p>But she remembered, suddenly clearer than before, how she had seen how tense Emily was, how her hands were shaking in her willful attempt to stop picking at her thumbs, in a little interlude in a hallway that day. (In Emily fashion, she had separated herself from the others. As their unit chief, she had to be strong for them. Only alone could she allow herself a moment to yield to her anxiety.) JJ had been looking for her, and upon seeing her state wanted nothing more than to engulf the woman in a hug, maybe take her trembling hands in her own. (Just as friends do, of course, she thought.) But then Fiona had approached Emily first, had done it all first, and had put a hand on Emily’s lower back, murmuring things she couldn’t hear.</p><p>She observed as Emily collected herself, straightened her spine, her countenance determined again. Fiona had left first to head back to the courtroom. Then Emily turned her head, as if sensing JJ for the first time, found her in the crowd and gave her a relieved smile. They went inside together.</p><p>It was neither the time nor the place to speculate, but they could do it now. <em>She</em> could do it now. The whole ordeal was over. And for some inexplicable reason, she wanted to know more.</p><p>Unawaringly, her eyes drifted upwards to the office across the bullpen. In the background, she vaguely registered Tara saying that she totally called it, and Luke’s unbelieving, “No way! <em>Prentiss</em>!?”</p><p>“...Actually, it’s not that much of a surprise. In the United States alone, 19 million Americans reported to having engaged in same-sex sexual behavior, and 25.6 million acknowledge feeling same-sex attraction. And that’s just an estimate…”</p><hr/><p>JJ finished her reports and was about to submit them along with the others’ (she somehow became the assigned submission mule for the day). She softly knocked on the doorframe before entering the unit chief’s office.</p><p>Emily raised her gaze from the file in front of her and smiled. “Hey.”</p><p>JJ returned a smile of her own. “Hey.”</p><p>Emily nodded once upon seeing the files in JJ’s hands before going back to her work.</p><p>The curiosity that had been nagging JJ all day hadn’t left; she even briefly considered going to Penelope’s den to make use of her research skills (and JJ knew Pen would be <em>thrilled</em> to hear all about it), but why wait when she could have the answers right from the source?</p><p>“So,” JJ started as she placed the files on the tray on the desk, “Spence’s lawyer…”</p><p>“Hm? What about her?” Emily looked up from the papers on her desk — her pen in mid-sign — slightly parting her lips in that familiar expectant look that JJ found to be unique to her.</p><p>“I heard that you…” She couldn’t bring herself to form the words, an eyebrow raised, waving her fingers in a vague gesture towards Emily and tilting her head instead with a curious expression and a teasing smile.</p><p>Emily stared at her, bemused, for a beat, then she exhaled with a short laugh. “Oh. Um, yeah.”</p><p>At this, JJ seated herself on an arm of one of the chairs in front of the desk. “You were together?”</p><p>“We were. We met when our parents were stationed in Italy. It was a long time ago...”</p><p>“I didn’t know that about you, Em.”</p><p>Emily looked down again. She looked slightly self-conscious.</p><p>“Emily,” JJ called encouragingly, ducking her head to meet the brunette’s eyes. “You can tell me anything. You know that, right?” If Emily was feeling embarrassed, JJ wanted her to know that she had no reason to be, not with her.</p><p>It was an invitation. In another time, she knew Emily would have clammed up and not said anything more, changed the subject perhaps, but the Emily that returned from death’s door was one who tried to share parts of herself more to her friends. JJ understood that it was Emily’s way of showing them that she trusted them, and in return, that they could trust her, too.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>“It wasn’t that I was hiding it. It just… didn’t really come up.”</p><p>JJ continued looking at Emily expectantly, eager to hear more.</p><p>“Anyway, it was really a long time ago…” Emily laughed nervously, avoiding JJ’s eyes. JJ could tell she was itching to end the conversation. When Emily looked up again to see JJ waiting with the same expression as before, she begged, “Jayje…”</p><p>“Fine,” JJ acquiesced, but she admitted that it was fun to see the unflappable unit chief and former undercover agent squirm, even just for a few seconds. She stood up and walked towards the open door, but not before turning to Emily a final time with a playful look. “But wait till Pen hears about this.”</p><p>Emily laughed, genuinely this time. “I’m sure I’ll never hear the end of it.”</p><hr/><p>Another day, another dollar.</p><p>They were on the jet, relaxing after a case. It took them five days to catch the killer. All five days were spent poring over details they might have missed and chasing leads, some leading them nowhere. The case finally culminated in a standoff where they were successfully able to talk the UNSUB down from hurting his hostage. Certainly, it wasn’t anything new to the group. God knows they have had many similar cases in the past, but it didn’t make it any easier or lighter.</p><p>Luke and Matt were seated across each other in a booth over a game of cards. Spencer was asleep on the couch at the back of the jet, while Tara was hunched over the table writing on her notepad and listening to a recording through her earphones. She was writing down notes after her interview with the UNSUB. Beside her was Rossi with an ever-present glass of scotch in his hand. And across from them, Emily and JJ were seated beside each other. The unit chief’s head was resting on JJ’s shoulder as she dozed. It was a quiet flight.</p><p>JJ felt Emily shiver beside her with a soft moan. Without second thought, she took the suit jacket that fell onto Emily’s lap and placed it securely around Emily’s shoulders, looping an arm around her unit chief’s back to rub her arm and give her warmth.</p><p>Rossi watched on with a smile.</p><hr/><p>“Who wants a refill?”</p><p>A couple of them raised their hands before Luke left to replenish their drinks.</p><p>It was a Friday night, and they figured that it would be the ideal time to unwind after an exhausting week — most of it spent in another state. It was good to be home.</p><p>When Luke came back with a fresh set of drinks, the conversations continued. They talked about everything but work — Spencer with his statistics and random facts concerning alcohol as always, Penelope updating them with the newest office gossip and not forgetting the occasional jab towards the “newbie,” Tara teasing Luke and making jokes about his mother <em>or</em> his father… It was a good night.</p><p>Without their knowing, hours were lost to conversations and music and dancing and drinks and laughter. Eventually, Matt stood up, indicating that he had to leave first. It was getting a little late, and all of them understood he had to be home for the kids. Rossi followed not long after, Reid tagging along with him. A couple of drinks more, and the rest of them were starting to leave, too.</p><p>JJ stood up from her seat next to Emily, but lost her footing when she was halfway out the table. In what felt like milliseconds, she felt Emily’s hands hold her upper arms in an effort to keep her still and steady.</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>Emily was so close; JJ could feel Emily’s breath fan her face. The lights were purposefully dim, but she could make out that Emily’s eyes were bright and slightly dazed. JJ saw a flash of Emily’s easy laughter from earlier in her mind’s eye.</p><p>“Jayje?”</p><p>JJ shook herself out of her reverie. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks.”</p><p>“You sure?” As she said that, Emily dropped one hand to JJ’s waist.</p><p>Emily’s face was flushed. <em>From the alcohol</em>, JJ surmised. (She remembered Tara’s <em>Oookay, Emily, that’s enough</em>, as the woman in question tossed back her nth glass.) As she continued to walk out of her seat, the hand from her waist moved to her lower back. JJ swore for a moment that she could feel everything. She heard Penelope’s voice in the distance calling for them to catch up. Then an arm was suddenly around her shoulders — Emily’s — bringing her closer to a warm body.</p><p>For guidance.</p><p>They walked together, side by side, perhaps a bit unsteadily. Halfway through, Emily muttered a joke at which JJ laughed. Later, when JJ looks back on this memory, she would remember how, when she looked to her side, she could see Emily’s relaxed smile, cheeks rosy, eyes twinkling, how this seemed to light a candle in the pit of her stomach. She would vividly remember the feeling of a full breast against her side, how it brushed against her arm as they moved closely together.</p><p>As for the joke, she couldn’t remember a word.</p><hr/><p>There will always be cases like this. They all knew it. It’s basically part of the job description. Some cases hit them harder than others. It just so happened that the target was JJ this time.</p><p>She was standing alone in the conference room when Emily found her. It was the only place where she could be alone at this hour. The team had finished debriefing on the jet on the way back, and everybody immediately went home the moment they set foot on the ground. Not Emily, of course. She was always the last to leave.</p><p>JJ could feel her eyes water. She wasn’t going to cry, not here. It wasn’t the place. She tried to breathe through the tightness in her throat.</p><p>There was no hesitation as Emily came closer and wrapped her in her arms. When she pulled back after a moment to graze her fingers on JJ’s cheeks, looking at her directly, JJ let her walls come down with a shaky sigh.</p><p>“Em…”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Emily just kept her close. Her arms were still holding her, but it wasn’t an embrace. JJ’s face was neither buried in Emily’s neck nor pressed to her shoulder. Instead, JJ could feel Emily’s cheek pressed closely against her own, the hands that held her face tenderly before were now clutched around hers softly between their bodies.</p><p>They stood there for minutes, eyes closed. They were so close together; JJ could feel Emily’s heartbeat against the back of her hand where it was pressed against Emily’s chest. She struggled to match her own agitated breathing to Emily’s calm rhythm.</p><p>It was moments later when she was able to breathe easier, like there weren’t any thorns around her throat, and she turned her head to Emily’s, right as Emily turned to her. Their noses brushed, and surprisingly, there was no awkwardness, just soft laughter to break the silence. JJ would wonder at the implications of that in another time.</p><p>They didn’t pull away. They put their foreheads together, breathing slowly together. Their hands still hadn’t let go of each other.</p><p>“Come with me.”</p><p>They both knew it wasn’t something she could take home.</p><p>JJ accepted the offer with a nod. She felt Emily’s hands squeeze hers one last time before Emily pulled away, but she didn’t entirely really. Her hand was still held securely in her unit chief’s as she was gently dragged away from where they stood. She stared at their interlocked fingers as Emily pushed open the conference room doors, took her bag from her office, turned the lights off, closed her office door, and breezed down the stairs to the bullpen to JJ’s desk. JJ was still staring when Emily tugged her hand, making her suddenly remember where they were. With her free hand, she took the bag from where she left it propped on her desk. And when she looked up again, Emily jerked her head towards the glass doors with a small smile.</p><p>They didn’t talk much on the way home. The drive was uneventful. JJ spent it mostly looking out at the buildings they passed by. At red lights, Emily’s hand would let go of the wheel to give hers a comforting squeeze.</p><p>When they arrived at Emily’s apartment, it was late. They held hands again the moment they left the car, only letting go when Emily had to fumble for her keys or disable the alarm.</p><p>They passed by Emily’s kitchen without a word, and JJ was surprised. She had expected that she’d be offered a drink, that this night would be one of those nights where she’d bare her soul through words, where Emily would rub her back and tell her, <em>This isn’t your fault</em>, as she cried. When she heard <em>Come with me</em>, she hadn’t expected Emily to take her directly to her bedroom — she had never been there before, not that she had any reason to be — hadn’t expected Emily to direct her to the bed.</p><p>“Lie down,” Emily said. So she did.</p><p>She was staring at the ceiling as Emily took off JJ’s shoes, then taking off her own, before falling back on the bed beside her.</p><p>“Come here.”</p><p>This time, when she heard <em>Come here</em>, she got what she expected.</p><p>It was Emily’s arms around her. It was Emily holding her close, in an embrace this time. She was no longer at the conference room, no longer standing still, where anyone could walk in at any time. Her throat started to constrict again, her breaths getting shorter. She felt the wetness on her cheeks before she realized she had been crying.</p><p>At first, Emily was just holding her. Then her arms moved to rub up and down her back. Then her hands moved again, this time tracing the length of JJ’s arms soothingly. Then her hands found JJ’s in a soft touch, opening the blonde’s hand and separating her fingers where it was clenched tightly between them again — but on its own unlike before. JJ felt Emily caress her palm as she sobbed, skim the back of her hands with her fingers. She felt Emily’s hands find her arm again, lightly touching until they reached her neck, her fingers at the back of her ear near her jaw, softly grazing the delicate skin there. (In another time, sometime in the future, when Emily’s fingers reach that spot, she would shiver for a different reason.)</p><p>She was still crying when Emily’s hands touched her face, when her fingers tenderly wiped her tears away. She was still crying when Emily’s fingers threaded through her hair, combing the strands away from her face, with Emily whispering, “I want to see you,” as she stroked her scalp quietly, to the short hairs at the back of her neck.</p><p>By the time Emily pressed her forehead against hers, she wasn’t crying anymore. When minutes later, Emily pulled her out of bed and ushered her to the en suite bathroom with a change of clothes, she was feeling lighter.</p><p>She came out of the bathroom in a loose gray shirt and blue shorts — Emily’s — and her face washed. Her nose was still red, and she knew that she would wake up with puffy eyes tomorrow. There was a glass of water ready in Emily’s hand.</p><p>After her, Emily washed up and changed, too, and when she came out to the bedroom, JJ was sitting on the side of the bed with an unsure expression.</p><p>The glass was empty on the nightstand.</p><p>JJ chose to break the silence. She sniffed. “I like to sleep on the left side.”</p><p>At that, Emily softly exhaled as if in relief, with a soft smile. “You’re lucky I’m an any-side kind of girl, Agent Jareau.” She approached the bed with a small laugh that — in JJ’s mind — seemed to warm the room just a little bit. “Now scoot!”</p><p>They fell in together on Emily’s bed, finding the heart to laugh even after the events of the night, <em>especially</em> after the events of the night. They were facing each other again, a few inches of distance between them, looking at each other silently as if reluctantly gauging the other’s reaction to what was on each of their minds.</p><p>JJ watched as Emily seemed to fight a battle within herself, uncertainty first clouding her eyes before she saw the glint in them again, like she had made her decision. JJ felt a lightness on her shoulders and chest as she saw Emily open her arms to her, inviting her to come closer. And she did.</p><p>When she woke up in the middle of dawn the next day, she marvelled at the contrast of this new softness instead of a familiar coarseness, this gentleness instead of hardness. A woman’s touch. Perhaps, in a different time, if only she weren’t in a half-conscious daze, she might have felt panic, a fear of the unknown, at the Pandora’s box whose lid they had unknowingly tilted overnight. But she simply closed her heavy-lidded eyes, not wanting to leave the cocoon of comfortable heat and freedom from hurt and pain and the depravity of the world that was Emily’s arms and Emily’s bed. If she could, she would never leave this place.</p><p>JJ pulled the blanket that had been pushed down to their waists around them tighter, all the while careful not to untangle Emily’s arms around her, before burrowing into Emily’s warmth once more.</p><hr/><p>She walked out of the bedroom gingerly, making the effort to not make a sound, to not disturb the tranquility that she had found in this place since last night. She had woken up briefly — thankfully not by a shrill alarm clock — when she felt Emily extract herself from the bed, but was promptly encouraged to go back to sleep with a brush on the cheek, and JJ let her body decide. When she woke again, she was alone.</p><p>As she approached the kitchen, the smell of breakfast filled the air. Emily was busying herself pouring coffee from a carafe into a cup.</p><p>“Good morning.”</p><p>Emily looked up at JJ and smiled. “Good morning. I hope you like French toast.”</p><p>JJ took a seat on one of the tall chairs around the kitchen island, where she could see two plates of French toast with maple syrup and blueberries. She looked up and muttered a small <em>Thank you</em> when Emily slid a cup of coffee towards her plate.</p><p>“So,” Emily started as she sat down in front of JJ, blowing on her coffee before taking a sip, “how are you feeling?”</p><p>“Better. Thank you.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>They beamed at each other brightly and freely. Maybe JJ should have been surprised at how there was no awkwardness or tension from last night, but she wasn’t. It had always been this way with Emily.</p><p>They ate together in the early morning, both of them still wearing their pajamas from last night.</p><p>“Mm, this is delicious, Em,” JJ said, her voice muffled from the French toast she basically stuffed in her mouth, a splash of syrup trickling from the corner of her mouth in the process.</p><p>“Good, because that’s one of the only things I can make.” Emily chuckled. “You have something on your…” Without giving it a thought, she swiped the syrup from the corner of JJ’s lip with her thumb.</p><p>JJ inwardly froze at the contact. They had touched each other countless times prior to this moment, but somehow, this felt more intimate. She figured that probably none of her surprise showed on her expression, as Emily continued what she was doing like nothing was amiss. Her heart began beating rapidly as Emily removed her hand, and JJ watched in anticipation at what she was about to do with it. She could feel her cheeks flush at the sight of Emily putting her thumb — with the syrup from her lip — in her mouth.</p><p>But to JJ’s dismay, the sight didn’t stay for very long. Not that she wanted it to.</p><p>Maybe.</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>Emily interrupted her train of thought. JJ didn’t realize she had been staring absently at Emily since her fingers left her face. She cleared her throat.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine.” She continued eating from her plate in the hopes of diverting the conversation. “I could have this everyday.”</p><p>“You could.”</p><p>JJ swore her heart skipped a beat at that.</p><p>“But unfortunately this secret recipe is mine and mine only.” Emily’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “I need to be good at something, you know.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh. Recipe...</em>
</p><p>Both of them finished their breakfast. Emily stood up first to get their plates and wash them in the sink — that was after Emily declined JJ’s insistence that she do the washing — while JJ went back to the bedroom. She took a fresh set of clothes from her bag after having recalled where she left it last night in their haste to reach the bed.</p><p>She stood up from her crouching position on the floor, her clothes over one arm, and walked towards the bathroom. She caught her reflection as she passed by a full-length mirror, and she stopped where she stood.</p><p>As she predicted, her eyes were puffy from the night before. Some strands of her uncombed blonde hair were sticking out in places, and for a moment, she felt embarrassed at having appeared in front of Emily in such a state. But otherwise, she felt relaxed, and it showed on her appearance. She could make out the creases on her shirt from how she slept on it overnight.</p><p>She realized, after having forgotten, that she was still wearing Emily’s clothes, and then it all washed over her. She was wearing Emily’s clothes, slept on Emily’s bed <em>with Emily</em>, spent the night at Emily’s apartment, and had breakfast with Emily.</p><p>JJ could suddenly feel her heart rate picking up again.</p><p>She could see the bed behind her in the mirror, and she abruptly wondered if Fiona, too, had slept on the same bed. With Emily, like she did. She felt a spike of unfamiliar jealousy rush through her and tried to squash the thought.</p><p>She heard footsteps just outside the door — Emily must have finished washing the dishes — and JJ rushed to the bathroom, shaking herself internally.</p><p>Just like last night, JJ got ready first with Emily following after. It was an unspoken agreement that they will drive to the office together. JJ’s car was still at the Academy parking garage, and she didn’t really feel the need to go back to her house for now. She still had enough clean clothes in her go bag, and she figured she could just repack after today if they were lucky enough not to have to leave the state.</p><p>The drive was lighter this time, unlike the previous evening. There was no underlying tension, no need for a necessary silence. They spoke of mundane things, of Sergio (who was still at Pen’s), and of last night.</p><p>“Em.”</p><p>“Hmm?” Emily turned her head to face her quickly before turning her eyes back to the road.</p><p>“Thank you for last night. For… this morning. For everything, really.” JJ looked at Emily, wanting her to feel the words, how she really meant them. “You really didn’t have to go through all this trouble.”</p><p>“Jayje, I told you. I’m always here if you need me. Besides,” Emily looked at her again before continuing, “I wanted to.”</p><p><em>If you ever want someone to talk to, know that I’m always here for you.</em> It was a promise Emily had made to her before, and words JJ knew intimately.</p><p>JJ smiled gratefully at Emily, and she felt a lightness in her chest again as Emily smiled back.</p><p>When they arrived at the parking garage, Emily parked at her usual spot, and they got out of the car at the same time. They took their bags from the trunk and walked together to the elevators.</p><p>They stood in silence, waiting patiently for the elevator to arrive. When it did, they were still alone.</p><p>They got in together. They could see themselves reflected in front of them as the elevator doors closed.</p><p>JJ couldn’t tell exactly what changed, but there was awkwardness in the silence this time. They were close but not touching, unlike the day before. They didn’t hold hands on the way to the car and on the way to the elevators. At red lights, Emily didn’t reach over to squeeze her hand. It was as if their newfound closeness from yesterday was over the moment they stepped out of Emily’s apartment. JJ tried to wrangle over the feeling of disappointment in her gut.</p><p>JJ steeled herself and looked forward, seeing their reflections again. They made a nice picture, she thought: two women dressed in pantsuits neatly pressed. She felt her chest tightening as the image of the both of them dressed in wrinkled pajamas just this morning flashed in her mind.</p><p>She only noticed then that Emily had been staring at her through their reflections, too. She couldn’t make out the enigmatic expression on her face. At the very least, JJ thought Emily looked… unsure.</p><p>Then their eyes met in the glossy elevator doors right before it opened. Three agents they didn’t personally know filtered in, and the uneasy silence that previously filled the elevator was gone as the agents chattered, not minding their audience.</p><p>Finally, they reached the sixth floor. Emily and JJ walked side by side, to then through the glass doors of the BAU, and as they were approaching her desk, JJ felt the foreboding sense of finality fill her.</p><p>As if sensing her distress, she felt Emily’s hand cup her elbow comfortingly. JJ realized at that moment that it wasn’t the first time that Emily had reassured her with just a touch, not knowing yet that it wouldn’t be the last, either. After last night, these little touches felt like something more.</p><p>
  <em>Solace.</em>
</p><p>There were no words, nothing at all, not this time. Just a small smile from each of their faces, as if to give the other encouragement for the rest of their day. Emily traced her hand from JJ’s elbow to her forearm, almost reaching her fingers before pulling away.</p><p>JJ had to stop herself from reaching out and grabbing Emily’s hand. She didn’t have the courage. She could only stand there and watch as Emily turned and walked away, up the stairs to her office.</p><p>A deliberate throat-clearing made her remember where she was. She looked to where the source of the sound was to find Luke sporting a knowing smirk and a quirked eyebrow.</p><p>She shot him with what she hoped to be a baleful look before sitting down and pulling out her files for the day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Reid’s random fact I got from <a href="https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/publications/how-many-people-lgbt/">this</a> website.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Yearning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>yearning</b><br/>noun</p><p>a strong feeling of wishing for something, especially something that you cannot have or get easily</p><hr/><p>
  
</p><hr/><p>Emily Prentiss didn’t have a life.</p><p>Well, not outside of work. Her work <em>was</em> her life, had always been, even way back when she wasn’t at the BAU. How couldn’t it be? When her job entailed that she live a separate, fabricated life (or lives) for years if need be, there just wasn’t any room for a life of her own except during vacations and downtime. And that habit was hard to break.</p><p>So when she stepped into the BAU, she had slipped into the job seamlessly. It was nothing new.</p><p>She did try. She spent time bonding with JJ and Penelope, and now with Tara, too, on their Girls’ Nights. Before her life had been upended once again by the very thing she thought she had already escaped from, she had developed casual friendships, from brunches with her cat-sitter to small hellos from her neighbors. And she went out on a couple of dates, not that it led to anything more serious. Her job had prevented that.</p><p>(Some people weren’t as unlucky, and she had often idly wondered how they were able to pull it off. It didn’t work out for Hotch. Rossi had three divorces behind him — although how much of that was because of the job, Emily didn’t know. But it worked out for Matt. It worked out for JJ, for a while.)</p><p>So she had taken a cat instead of a lover. At least a cat would be a sure constant in her life. Sergio didn’t complain about feeling unprioritized because of her work, and Emily didn’t have to worry if she still had anyone to come back to, after hurriedly leaving in the middle of a date she’d rescheduled for the fifth time because of a serial killer who couldn’t care less about her love life.</p><p>Sergio was enough.</p><p>And then her life changed again. She had to leave everything, sold her apartment, even Sergio was gone. Then she was all alone. Like before.</p><p>She came back, but it wasn’t the same. She had to start over, had to quickly and desperately repair fractured relationships. In the end, it wasn’t enough.</p><p>So she flew to London.</p><p>London had been different. It felt like a completely new life, a fresh start. It was exactly what she needed. It had taken a small while to fully acclimate to her new position, but eventually she was giving orders and making decisions as if she was made for it. Some of her colleagues she knew from before, and her reputation made her introductions in her stead, and with it came respect. With her new role, she got busier, and much like her previous job, she travelled often, not just to different states, but to different countries — her ability to speak in multiple languages more useful than it had ever been.</p><p>Of course, Hotch never stopped asking for her to come back — the position she had vacated kept opening as if a premonition — but she had refused every time. London was her new home.</p><p>At least, that was what she adamantly kept telling herself on her flights back to London the two times she had gone back to DC.</p><p>For a friend.</p><p>The first time was to save that friend’s life. The second time was when she became the centerpiece of Emily’s nightmares.</p><p>And the third time was for self-indulgence.</p><p>And when that friend had not-so-discreetly begged her to come back — the memory of her jumping on her feet in excitement as she greeted Emily on her first morning back coming to mind — she couldn’t find the will to say no.</p><p>Upsetting a perfectly stable life and leaving a boyfriend behind.</p><p>Maybe that made her a fool. She didn’t mind.</p><hr/><p>They were called in to Miami. They had already delivered the preliminary profile first thing in the morning and were interviewing the victims’ families, polishing their victimology to find more clues about the killer’s identity.</p><p>It was nearing lunch time. Emily was leaning against the doorframe of the room assigned to their team, her arms crossed in front of her, her eyes on JJ, whose back was to her — the latter writing on the board what they have learned about the victims so far. They were waiting for the rest of the team to come back from their assignments, so they could convene for lunch at the local diner right in front of the police station.</p><p>It was a warm day; JJ had her long hair in a high ponytail, her blazer hung over one of the chairs around the table between them. Even at that distance, Emily could see the nape of JJ’s neck from where she was standing — skin she had touched two nights before.</p><p>“You’re staring, you know,” Tara said, appearing behind Emily with a cup of coffee in her hand. She stopped at the doorway to stand beside Emily.</p><p>“No, I’m not,” Emily softly retorted, tilting her head to the side, yet still not tearing her eyes away.</p><p>“Yes, you are.” Tara took a well-timed sip from her paper cup.</p><p>“Nope.” Emily still looked ahead as she uncrossed her arms and put her hands in her pockets. She watched as JJ stood back from the board and tapped the end of the marker to her chin. JJ pulled her free hand through her ponytail once before settling the same hand on her hip. Emily shifted to stand a little straighter. “Not staring.”</p><p>“What are we looking at?” Reid said behind them, his view obscured by the two women blocking the doorway. Tara and Emily seemed to have realized that at the same time.</p><p>Tara opened her mouth to speak, but before she could get a single syllable out, Emily gave her a pointed — though Tara would swear later that it was a pleading — look, and Tara promptly closed her mouth. Reid just looked back and forth between the two of them, confused.</p><p>“Hey, Emily? I think I noticed a pattern—” JJ turned, having not noticed the slight commotion behind her, only to be surprised to find three of her teammates standing at the doorway, directly staring at her. “What?”</p><p>One of the three looked back at her with just the same confused look on her face, another bit her lower lip, as if trying to hold back a laugh, and the other looked away and cleared her throat.</p><p>Before another word could be said, the police chief approached from behind them calling for Emily. Another body had been found. It looked like they would be skipping lunch this time.</p><hr/><p>Maybe she had overdone it a little.</p><p>That was the first thing Emily thought about the moment she entered her office days before, after she and JJ had breakfast together. And it was the same thing on her mind one, two days after.</p><p>Had she overstepped her boundaries?</p><p>It wasn’t her intention to take advantage of JJ’s vulnerability. She was being a good friend, she justified to herself, a ready shoulder to cry on any time she was needed. And she had promised JJ that, and she had no intention of ever breaking that promise.</p><p>It was only after everything was done, after they ate the breakfast she had carefully prepared — more for JJ than them both — in the safety of her home, did she realize what she did.</p><p>She couldn’t get used to that.</p><p>She hadn’t even thought about Henry. Sure, they had just gotten back from a case, so Henry was probably at Will’s (he was, later she’d find out), but she couldn’t have known that. Had she taken JJ’s precious time with her child away from her? They were called in to another case right away; JJ could have spent the free night afforded to them with Henry. And perhaps that would have comforted JJ just as much.</p><p>She wasn’t there when it happened. She had been away on a case in Côte d’Ivoire when she heard about the divorce. It was one of those moments when she felt regret about leaving, that she was an ocean instead of a stone’s throw away to physically comfort her friend.</p><p>She had pushed for them to get together. She had figured out their secret relationship long before JJ even decided to take the plunge with Will, making subtle suggestive remarks just to provoke her to admit her feelings. And when she said, <em>You should go for him. You’d make a cute couple</em>, she had honestly meant it. She really did.</p><p>Emily sincerely just wanted her to be happy, for JJ to grab the chance at happiness right when it dangled in front of her. They didn’t always get that chance, not with the job they had. So upon hearing the news of their divorce, a part of her had felt guilty that perhaps she had been a cause of unhappiness in JJ’s life, if she’d led them to this path the moment she pushed them together.</p><p>But their union had given them Henry, and for that they had no regret. That much JJ had told her, when Emily called to check in on her later that day.</p><p>So she wasn’t taking that away from JJ. At least, Emily tried to convince herself that this was what it was all about.</p><p>It <em>did</em> feel nice, to be needed. It felt nice to be the one person to give — and to be allowed to give — her comfort. And Emily would treasure that for the rest of her life, as she had always done.</p><p>Perhaps they had no need to do the rest of the things they did. There was no need for them to hold each other as they slept. Emily told herself that it was all for JJ, to make her feel less alone, but the truth was that it was for her, too. She just wanted to revel in it, wanted to relive the same feeling she had when JJ had said to her, <em>Emily… I knew they’d call you. I knew it</em>, even for just one more time. She wanted to bask in it forever, in the complete trust JJ had gifted her — implicit in her eyes, but explicit in the way she had followed Emily without a word — because that was what it was, a gift.</p><p>And it should be enough.</p><p>But the pride she felt in her chest as JJ, hair still a bit rumpled from sleep, gleefully wolfed down the French toast she had conscientiously prepared and tried to get right… Emily swore she could have burst into happy powdery pieces right then and there.</p><p>But she couldn’t — and shouldn’t — get used to that. No.</p><p>But she could allow herself that one moment. And that would have to be enough.</p><hr/><p>Not even a day after Miami, they were called in to Boise.</p><p>When they arrived at the police station, they were greeted by a tall woman with short blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. If this were ten years before, JJ would have been the one to approach her first, but that was then. This time, Emily walked forward with a purposeful stride in front of them.</p><p>The rest of the team didn’t recognize her, but when the woman greeted Emily with a disarming smile and a hug that looked all too close and familiar to be between two friendly strangers meeting for the first time, it was obvious to the rest of them that they had already been more than acquainted.</p><p>As they pulled back, her hands cupping Emily’s elbows, the woman spoke first, “Emily! Oh my god. It’s been what, ten years?”</p><p>“I believe it’s… thirteen years now.” Emily smiled warmly at the woman before stepping back to face her team. “These are SSAs Rossi, Jareau, Alvez, Simmons, Dr. Lewis, and Dr. Reid.”</p><p>“Lou Calhoun. Thank you for coming,” she said, shaking each of their hands one by one. “I have a room all ready for you.” She guided them to a round-table room, with a whiteboard on one side and boxes of papers on the table. “The files are in those boxes. Just let me know if there’s anything else you need.” At that, she looked directly at Emily, who just smiled and nodded back.</p><p>“Alright. Let’s get to work.”</p><hr/><p>Lou was an old friend. That was how Emily introduced her to the team on their last night in Boise. (She didn’t miss the stifled smiles and raised eyebrows when she said the words <em>old friend</em>, but she just shrugged it off. Lou didn’t bristle; they knew what they were.) They had met in the field on a case thirteen years ago when Emily was just new to the team. She remembered how Morgan playfully nudged her side after she and Lou exchanged introductions and shook hands, with Emily saying, <em>Then, by all means, after you</em>, in a dangerously low voice with a loaded look, to let her lead the way to a dump site. He had never seen her that way before.</p><p>They had finally finished the case and were having dinner at a local place Lou recommended. The team had agreed that they would stay over one more night, just to get a good night’s rest, and that they would fly back to DC first thing in the morning.</p><p>Thirteen years ago, Emily stayed back for one more night, too, but they didn’t have to know that.</p><p>Lou knew, and from the sparkle in her eyes and her physical proximity to Emily the entire evening, Emily was under no illusion about the conversation they’d be having later that night. They had been through it before.</p><p>So when they walked alone together back to the hotel, an inch of space between them — the rest of the team having gone first — as they caught up on each other’s lives, Emily knew what she was getting into.</p><p>She welcomed it. Lou had a certain calmness about her that Emily immediately liked. She was an easy companion. She never pushed, never asked for more, never asked for anything Emily couldn’t give, as if she knew that she wouldn’t, anyway. Emily appreciated that.</p><p>And she was exactly what Emily needed right now, a distraction.</p><p>“You went to <em>London</em>?”</p><p>“Yeah. I was there for four years.”</p><p>“Wow.”</p><p>Emily could feel Lou turn her head to look at her for a few seconds. The profiler in her wanted to see the expression on her face, to make out what she was thinking, but Emily just looked ahead. For some unknown reason, she had been feeling stiff all evening.</p><p>Lou moved a step closer. “Four years is a long time. What made you come back?”</p><p>Emily chewed on her bottom lip; she couldn’t answer at first. Not that she ever knew the correct answer to that question. So she chose the easiest one. “DC is home.”</p><p>Lou just smiled at that. “I understand that. I feel the same way about this town.”</p><p>They entered the hotel doors and walked all the way to the elevators. Emily could make out the vending machine in the corner of the hallway as they got closer. For a moment, she thought of grabbing a chocolate bar before going up to her room, until she saw something familiar in the display chamber. The second she saw it, Emily sighed with a quiet, resigned laugh, shaking her head, her shoulders finally relaxing for the first time that night.</p><p>How absurd it all was, she thought, as she pressed the button for the item beside the yellow Lay’s. There was no getting away.</p><p>“Didn’t know you like Cheetos.”</p><p>Beside her was a woman, beautiful and willing and familiar and <em>safe</em>, but all Emily could do at that moment was stare at the bag of junk food in her hand with a wistful smile, as she tried to figure out if the animal on the packaging was a cheetah, leopard, or a tiger.</p><p>“So, tomorrow? Like old times?”</p><p>She could hear a <em>ding</em> in the background as the elevator car arrived.</p><p>“Not this time.”</p><hr/><p>The next morning, Emily was the last to enter the jet. The rest of the team were already settled in their usual seats. Emily found JJ staring out the window, as if deep in thought, the seat empty beside her.</p><p>It was only when Emily sat down that JJ noticed she was there. JJ looked up at her with a surprised expression before calming down into a smile. It was clear to Emily that she wasn’t expected to be there at all.</p><p>“You’re here.”</p><p>Emily patted JJ’s thigh, once, before pulling her hand away.</p><p>“I’m always here.”</p><p>Later, after takeoff, when the seatbelt signs were off, Emily opened her bag and took something out of it. The noise of the packaging turned JJ’s head her way almost instantly. Emily laughed at the way JJ’s eyes practically lit up when she saw what it was.</p><p>“You’re a godsend, Em,” JJ groaned out gratefully.</p><p>Emily took out her own snack, a dark chocolate bar she’d bought at the last minute before she left the hotel.</p><p>They ate together. Emily could hear the crunch of the cheese puffs as JJ chewed beside her. She didn’t mind at all. And taking in the absolute delight on JJ’s face, she knew she would never mind. Ever.</p><hr/><p>Having closed two cases in a row with barely any breathing space between them, Emily promised her team that they would at least get the rest of the day and the entire weekend off. It wouldn’t do them any good to run on fumes.</p><p>Emily waited for JJ by the jet entrance, the rest of the team having gone out before them. She couldn’t remember when it began, but it had become one of their little rituals that they neither spoke about nor agreed on; it just <em>was</em>.</p><p>“Any plans for the weekend?” Emily asked offhandedly, as she and JJ walked down the steps together.</p><p>“Henry’s staying over with me, and my mom is visiting,” JJ answered with a small smile.</p><p>“Sounds like it’ll be a fun weekend,” Emily said sincerely. She knew it had been a week since JJ spent any time with Henry.</p><p>“What about you?”</p><p>“Just boob tube and my hot tub.”</p><p>Emily thrilled as JJ bumped her shoulder against hers at her remark, the smile on either of their faces breaking into a light laugh as their eyes met. They sat beside each other on the jet on the way back, but it felt like this was the closest they’d ever been since that night. Emily held the strap of her go bag tighter as she looked away first.</p><p>They walked towards the main building in silence. </p><p>Just a few steps away from the entrance, Emily could see JJ turn her head towards her again in her peripheral vision, and she couldn’t help herself but face JJ, too, in return. JJ looked down awkwardly, and it made Emily’s stomach tingle.</p><p>“You know,” JJ started uncertainly, still looking down, “I still owe you breakfast.”</p><p>She had told herself just days ago that she shouldn’t get used to this.</p><p>“I don’t know if it compares to your French toast, but,” JJ paused, finally looking up at Emily, eyes searching, “Henry says I make the best pancakes.”</p><p><em>So what made you decide to leave London for good?</em> Tara had asked her once over a glass of red wine. At that time, she’d told Tara her practiced answer: that DC was home, that the job was cleaner, that the BAU was where she truly belonged. All of those were true.</p><p>But as she stood there, staring dumbly at JJ, taking in what she liked to think was a hopeful look in her eyes, Emily knew that she’d left something out, too.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe just one more.</em>
</p><p>“Emily?”</p><p>
  <em>Just this one more thing and then never again.</em>
</p><p>“I’m looking forward to it.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>“Then, by all means, after you,” was an actual line Emily said to Lizzie Evans, the head ranger in Season 2 Episode 21 “Open Season.” I’ve always thought the tone she used then was a little flirtatious, but that could just be my wishful thinking.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Cycle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>cycle</b><b><br/></b>noun</p><p>a group of events that happen in a particular order, one following the other, and are often repeated</p><hr/><p>They didn’t have that breakfast for at least a couple of weeks.</p><hr/><p>It was not his fault that he didn’t know. It was no one’s fault, really.</p><p>But a part of JJ wished that it were at least somebody’s fault, for this situation to make any sense.</p><p>“What’s up with Prentiss today?” Luke asked as they walked towards the entrance of the FBI’s Omaha Field Office. Emily and Spencer were already inside.</p><p>Emily had been particularly snappy towards Luke since they arrived in Omaha this morning. Maybe it could all be blamed on the non-existent coffee she didn’t yet have today. They were called in way too early for this case and didn’t really have the time to indulge in their laidback morning customs.</p><p>“Need some work on those profiling skills, Alvez,” Tara whispered to Luke as Matt just chuckled and shook his head.</p><p>“Wha—Why? What’d I do?”</p><p>Rossi just patted his shoulder as he wordlessly passed him by.</p><p>JJ mouthed, “It’ll be fine,” reassuringly to him with a nod, but with a secretive smile as if to tease (a little fun wouldn’t hurt), before following Rossi.</p><hr/><p>JJ found Emily in the room where they were set up, finishing up a conversation with the Supervisory Special Agent in Charge. She nodded to the SSAIC when the door opened and he left the room. In the background, Emily sat on the table, proceeding to examine a file in her hand. Why she doesn’t just actually use the chairs, JJ never understood. She could see through the clear glass walls how Emily’s tongue swiped the corner of her lip as she read. JJ looked down at the item in her hand. Maybe this would help lift the woman’s mood a little bit.</p><p>She entered the room and approached Emily, a freshly brewed cup of coffee in tow.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Emily immediately looked up and smiled. “JJ.” She looked down at the cup. “Is that for me?”</p><p>JJ nodded encouragingly and said, “I don’t think you’ve had your coffee yet.” She smiled when Emily placed down the file and took the offered cup with a grateful look and a small thanks.</p><p>“You good?” JJ asked.</p><p>Emily looked at her pointedly, an answer, before sighing, “Yeah, I’m good.”</p><p>JJ sat beside her on the table. She took the file Emily put down and began to look over it, while Emily sipped her coffee by her side. She let a few seconds pass before finally continuing, “You should take it easy on Luke.”</p><p>“Well then he shouldn’t have done that.”</p><p>JJ could practically <em>hear</em> the stubborn pout on Emily’s face from the tone of her voice. She bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from smirking and concentrated on the file, or at least pretended to. “He didn’t know the seat was already taken. Besides, last week Spence sat beside me, too, remember?”</p><p>“Because Dave wanted to talk to me privately!”</p><p>“Emily…” JJ looked up from the file she was casually skimming to look at Emily intently.</p><p>Emily resolutely trained her gaze forward, refusing to look at JJ. It didn’t take her very long until she caved in and looked back. Once. Then a second time. She groaned as she met JJ’s eyes, “Jayje… don’t look at me like that.”</p><p>JJ raised an eyebrow.</p><p>Emily held out for what JJ mentally counted to be four seconds before huffing, “Fine,” giving her one last glower JJ knew Emily didn’t really mean for good measure. “But just because you brought me coffee.”</p><p>JJ grinned in victory. “Don’t worry. I promise to reserve your seat on the flight back.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Really.”</p><hr/><p>On their flight back from Omaha, JJ kept her promise. When Emily entered the jet, the seat beside JJ was empty. Luke was already sitting somewhere else with Tara. After scanning the room and noting that everyone was already present, Emily was about to head to the cockpit to inform the pilot that they were ready to go, before stopping in her tracks and immediately going back and heading to what was definitely <em>her</em> seat, <em>beside JJ</em>, dropping her handbag on the chair with a thud, startling JJ a little.</p><p>She wasn’t taking any chances.</p><p>Oh, and Luke was out of the doghouse.</p><hr/><p>It was nothing out of the ordinary for them.</p><hr/><p>In a case in Birmingham, Emily partnered JJ with Spencer and directed them to investigate a lead together. The case snowballed from there. The witness they were visiting turned out to be the UNSUB, and a confrontation was had. Luckily, Emily and Matt arrived just before things took a turn for the worse.</p><p>That was many hours ago. Now they were all going back to their hotel rooms, the case all wrapped up. They were all staying on the same floor, JJ’s room one of the few they would pass by first. Seeing the door to her room just a few feet away, JJ fumbled for the keycard in her bag, exhaling a sudden hiss as her wrist got bent uncomfortably.</p><p>Emily instantly took notice beside her. “JJ, what’s wrong?”</p><p>JJ rubbed the skin on her wrist, trying to soothe the pain under it. Before she could say anything else, Emily was right in front of her, taking her wrist gently in her hands.</p><p>“What happened?” Emily asked, turning JJ’s wrist, and softly smoothing her fingers over the tender skin, examining it for bruises and scratches.</p><p>JJ grimaced. “It might have gotten twisted earlier…”</p><p>“Jayje!” Emily admonished, but there was no anger in her eyes, only concern. “Why didn’t you say anything? We should get it looked at.”</p><p>“No, Em, it’s fine. It’ll probably heal on its own—”</p><p>“No, it’s not fine—”</p><p>“It doesn’t even hurt that much—”</p><p>“Jennifer,” Emily said firmly. “Don’t make me pull rank on you.”</p><p>JJ shot Emily a dirty look. “That is <em>so</em> not fair, Em.”</p><p>“Come on.”</p><p>JJ didn’t have much of a choice as Emily’s free arm wrapped around her waist, her other hand still lightly holding her wrist. Emily turned them both around and led them away.</p><p>They caught Rossi’s attention, who turned to look at them both questioningly. “Where are you two going?”</p><p>“Hospital,” Emily answered curtly, not even looking back as if a woman on a mission. “JJ’s wrist is injured.”</p><p>“It’s really not that bad… It doesn’t even hurt anymore!” But JJ’s pleas fell on deaf ears. She looked back towards Rossi imploringly and shook her head, as if with a silent <em>Help me</em>, but to her annoyance, Rossi was… smirking?</p><hr/><p>It ended up being a mild sprain (Emily had given her a triumphant look that said, <em>I told you it was something</em>, at the same time JJ gave her a similar look that said, <em>I told you it was mild</em>), but the doctor told her that just resting and icing her wrist for a couple of days should do the trick. It wasn’t bad at all, but with the amount of fussing over she got from Emily, you would think that she had a gunshot wound (thank God she didn’t).</p><p>When they got back to the hotel and reached her door, JJ entered her room expecting Emily to leave and close the door. But when she put her bag on the bed and turned around, she found Emily standing awkwardly at the doorway, not quite inside the room but not quite outside, either.</p><p>“Will you be okay on your own?” Emily asked, biting her lip worriedly.</p><p>“I’ll be fine, Em,” JJ answered. “It’s really nothing I can’t handle.”</p><p>“You sure? Maybe I should stay…”</p><p>“Em, I’ll be fine,” she repeated. She added in a soft voice, meeting Emily’s eyes, “I promise.”</p><p>Emily hesitated. She turned to leave, but stopped midway, a silhouette of her profile on the floor. “Call me if you need anything?”</p><p>“I will. If I even feel an inkling of pain, you’ll be the first to know.” JJ gave her a reassuring smile.</p><p>Emily gave her one last nod before finally closing the door.</p><hr/><p>The next day, on the jet, if Matt saw JJ and Emily coming in together, with Emily every now and again looking over and taking JJ’s wrist in her hands, he said nothing.</p><p>If Luke saw JJ get up from her seat to get something from the back of the jet, if he witnessed Emily instantaneously stopping her and pushing her back to her seat to get whatever it was that JJ wanted instead, he just shrugged.</p><p>If Tara saw JJ’s hand in Emily’s lap, her wrist between two bottles of ice-cold water held by Emily, she just smiled.</p><p>If Reid saw JJ’s hand stay where it was, even though the bottles were already gone, he didn’t say a word.</p><p>If Rossi saw JJ dozing in her seat, her cheek pressed against Emily’s shoulder, if he saw Emily looking thoughtful and quietly tracing the lines of the other woman’s palm with her fingers, he simply noted the date and closed his eyes for a nap.</p><hr/><p>This was normal for them, too.</p><hr/><p>“Emily Prentiss, you are late!” Penelope faux-gasped, ushering Emily inside her apartment.</p><p>“Sorry, I had to get something on the way,” Emily replied, offering Penelope the bottle of sauvignon blanc she was carrying. “Are JJ and Tara already here?”</p><p>Penelope accepted the bottle gleefully and directed Emily to the room closest to them. “They’re in the living room.”</p><p>Upon entering the room, Emily was greeted with smiles by JJ and Tara who were seated on the couch. Judging from the Netflix screen on the TV, they were in the middle of deciding on a movie before she arrived. She was walking towards them when she felt something rub up against her leg. When she looked down, she couldn’t help the bright smile that broke on her face.</p><p>“Sergio,” Emily cooed, dragging the last two syllables, as she bent down and picked up the purring black ball of fur. “I so missed you, Serge.”</p><p>“Aww, he misses his mama,” Penelope said as she passed by Emily, who was petting Sergio, the smell of freshly baked cookies permeating the air. She placed a plate full of cookies in different shapes and sizes on the coffee table.</p><p>“Ooh,” Tara said excitedly.</p><p>Emily chuckled as she met JJ’s knowing look.</p><p>“You asked — actually you didn’t, but you get the idea — I delivered. Special homemade cookies courtesy of the all-knowing Penelope Grace Garcia!” Penelope finished with a proud beam.</p><hr/><p>They ended up picking a horror movie. Tara and Emily sat on the floor, while Penelope and JJ shared the couch. Between Penelope’s occasional screams and their side comments about the characters’ decisions (<em>Don’t go in the house!</em> or <em>Why don’t they just move?</em> or <em>Is he really leaving that kid alone in there?</em>), JJ caught sight of Emily’s nails as the latter took a cat-shaped cookie from the plate in front of them.</p><p>She waited until the movie was over. Penelope had gone to the kitchen to get drinks, while Tara had excused herself to the bathroom.</p><p>“You’ve been biting your nails again,” JJ quietly murmured.</p><p>“Hmm?” Emily inquired absently, petting Sergio’s back who stayed on her lap the entire night.</p><p>JJ took Emily’s left hand as an answer. She traced the skin around Emily’s thumb. The nail was uneven, and there were red marks on the skin around it. Emily smiled sheepishly as if caught and tried to pull her hand back, but JJ held on, steadfast.</p><p>Suddenly, an idea popped in JJ’s head. The materials she needed were sure to be here. They were at Penelope’s house after all.</p><p>She stood up, leaving a confused Emily in her wake. She went to the kitchen where Penelope was.</p><p>“Hey, Pen, can I borrow your nail polish?”</p><hr/><p>JJ came back to find Emily still seated on the floor with Sergio; they really had been inseparable all night. She put the tray of nail polish on the floor beside Emily and sat right next to her. Emily looked at the small bottles and then at JJ, a little stunned but also curious. JJ suppressed a smile.</p><p>“Pick a color.”</p><p>It was all bright and neon colors and glittery — it was Penelope’s after all. Sergio jumped from Emily’s lap as she fully turned to JJ and leaned forward, picking up a small bottle out of the tray. </p><p>It was a bright, blood red.</p><p>JJ gave Emily a meaningful look before she took the bottle from Emily’s hand and opened it.</p><p>“Give me your hand.”</p><p>Emily obediently offered JJ her hand, which JJ took in hers. Their palms met briefly before JJ’s fingers were under hers, keeping her hand steady. She watched silently as JJ started on her pointer finger, the red slowly coating her worn nail almost hypnotizing her.</p><p>Penelope and Tara weren’t back yet. It was just them. If she weren’t concentrating so much on Emily’s nails, JJ would have noticed that Emily looked a bit nervous.</p><p>By the time Tara and Penelope got back, one carrying the bottle of wine Emily brought earlier and the other wine glasses, their movie night turned into a nail-painting night. They joined in the fun, Penelope excitedly painting Tara’s nails with a purple nail polish that had these little specks of silver in it.</p><p>When Emily’s phone rang a little bit later, they all collectively groaned. But when Emily got into her car, she took a moment to admire her newly painted nails. Only one hand was painted, and the pinky finger was unfinished, but as Emily stared at the smiley face JJ drew on her thumbnail — out of all her nails, it was the one that suffered the most from her habit — she found that she couldn’t care less.</p><hr/><p>Nothing out of the ordinary.</p><hr/><p>In between cases in Quantico, Emily sneezed.</p><p>They were on stand down and were just doing consultations. JJ was passing by Emily’s office on her way to Rossi’s, file in hand, when she heard a small noise that she couldn’t identify. She stopped, waiting to hear it again, but it didn’t come. Shrugging, she went on her way to Rossi’s office, forgetting all about it.</p><p>A few hours later, JJ opened the refrigerator at the mini canteen of the BAU, looking for something to eat, when she heard the same noise again. When she turned, she was surprised to see Emily, whose nose was a little pink. She gaped.</p><p>“That was <em>you</em>?”</p><p>“What?” Emily replied, confused. She sniffled.</p><p>JJ internally shook herself. “Never mind. Are you okay? Are you sick?”</p><p>“I think I might’ve caught a bug.” Emily’s voice sounded raspy. She took a paper cup and started pouring herself coffee.</p><p>“Whoa, wait. Coffee will irritate your throat even more. Maybe you should have some tea instead?” JJ suggested. “Hold on.”</p><p>She took a packet of chamomile tea from the tray of tea packets on the counter. Finding out that the electric kettle was still hot, she picked out a clean paper cup and poured hot water into it, the tea bag already inside, and gave it to Emily.</p><p>Emily looked at her apologetically. “Thanks, Jayje.”</p><p>“Do you need anything?”</p><p>Emily gently shook her head.</p><p>As if on cue, the phone in Emily’s office rang in the distance.</p><p>“I should get that.”</p><p>She gave JJ a thankful smile before walking briskly to her office. Before JJ could finish uttering, “Careful!” a splash of the hot water in the cup spilled on Emily’s hand, burning her a little. JJ chuckled at Emily’s embarrassed expression and watched as the unit chief continued walking to her office, but a little more carefully this time.</p><hr/><p>Since their rendezvous at the canteen earlier, JJ couldn’t stop sneaking looks up at Emily’s office. She could still hear her sneezing sometimes, and as much as Emily tried to stifle the sound, ever since JJ found out what it was, she knew from that point on that there was no way she would never recognize that sound ever again.</p><p>Deciding on something that maybe she should’ve done earlier, JJ rifled through the contents of her bag. She was sure she had some cold medicine in it somewhere. She found two lone tablets of decongestant and proceeded to close the file she was working on on her desk.</p><p>She didn’t even have to knock since Emily promptly looked up the moment she was at the doorway. From where she stood, JJ took a good look at Emily. The woman looked ever-professional sitting at her desk, her hair almost like a veil around her face, pen in her hand, the phone ever at the ready, and files all stacked up beside the one she had open. She would’ve looked intimidatingly serious if it weren’t for her nose which was turning as red as the blouse and the lipstick she was wearing.</p><p>Maybe JJ shouldn’t think this, but… Emily looked — for lack of a better word — <em>adorable</em>.</p><p>“Em, have you taken anything for your cold yet?”</p><p>“Not really…”</p><p>JJ noted that Emily still sounded a bit rough, but not as bad as earlier. “Here, take this.” She handed Emily the tablets and a bottle of water she had picked up at the canteen.</p><p>“Wow, you’re really taking care of me, Jayje,” Emily said teasingly.</p><p>“This is just payback for last week,” JJ shot back, playfully sticking her tongue out. She observed as Emily popped a tablet in her mouth and pushed it down with the water. “Are you feeling cold? Do you have a fever?”</p><p>Emily screwed the cap back onto the water bottle. “I don’t think so.”</p><p>“Let me check.”</p><p>JJ walked over behind Emily’s desk and bent over as Emily swiveled her chair to face her. She placed the back of her hand against Emily’s forehead, feeling for heat, before turning her hand so her palm was pressed against her skin.</p><p>“I used to do this with Henry.”</p><p>Emily looked up curiously as JJ’s palm on her head moved down to the side of her neck. Without warning, not even to herself, JJ leaned forward and pressed her forehead against Emily’s, using her own forehead to feel for her temperature.</p><hr/><p>This was… different.</p><hr/><p>JJ didn’t really think it through. She had really only meant to check Emily’s temperature like she used to with Henry. The memory came back to her unbidden, and she simply entertained it.</p><p>Emily was still looking up at her, the flush on her nose spread to her cheeks, and JJ felt her breath catch in her throat. Being this close, they gazed at each other strangely, as if seeing the other for the first time. She swallowed as she saw how Emily’s pupils dilated up close, and couldn’t help but wonder if Emily could see the same thing in hers, too.</p><p>JJ found herself at a loss for words and actions.</p><p>“Um, am I interrupting something?”</p><p>Emily and JJ swiftly pulled away at the voice. The pair turned and saw Luke at Emily’s door, holding files in his hands.</p><p>“Prentiss, I just need your signatures on these.”</p><p>JJ awkwardly left Emily’s side and cleared her throat as Luke approached Emily’s desk. She had been so distracted by their closeness that JJ forgot to notice if Emily even had a temperature or not. She chanced a glance at Emily, who was clutching the water bottle so hard that her knuckles were white, whose face was still as red as a tomato. She doubted she looked any better. She could practically feel the heat on her cheeks.</p><p>“Um, I’m gonna…,” JJ gestured self-consciously towards the bullpen, “…go.”</p><p>Emily nodded. “Thank you for the…”</p><p>“Yeah. No problem,” JJ finished for her. She nodded at Luke once — whose smirk she would have loved to wipe off his face if she weren’t so embarrassed — before slinking away to the bullpen.</p><p>Even without being there, JJ could clearly imagine the knowing smile Luke was wearing and the glare Emily was giving Luke in return.</p><p>“<em>Not. A. Word</em>,” she heard Emily say faintly in the background before it was punctuated by a cute sneeze a few seconds later.</p><hr/><p>Miraculously enough, Emily did end up taking a sick leave after that day. And she had entrusted JJ to take over while she was gone.</p><p>JJ decided not to dwell too much on the uncomfortable feeling that tended to creep in her stomach every time she looked to the side and found the seat beside her on the jet unfamiliarly empty.</p><p>Maybe later she’d give Emily a call.</p><hr/><p>Emily checked her watch as she got into the elevator, pressing <em>6</em> with her left hand. Her right was occupied.</p><p>So what if she bought an extra cup of coffee on the way to work?</p><p>It took a couple of days, but the cold she was suffering from had finally run its course.</p><p>So maybe she was feeling a little chipper.</p><p>And thankful. This was just a little thank you.</p><p>When she got out of the elevator, there were already a few people milling about. So it wasn’t entirely a surprise when she found that JJ was also already at the BAU bullpen. She pushed through the glass doors and approached JJ’s desk excitedly.</p><p>She had already texted JJ that she’d be coming back today. It would no longer be a surprise, but she had a different one at the ready.</p><p>“JJ.”</p><p>JJ looked up from her desk and turned in her chair. Her face brightened, and she couldn’t help the smile on her face as Emily walked towards her.</p><p>“Emily!”</p><p>Emily furrowed her eyebrows in confusion when, after seeing her for only a few seconds, JJ immediately turned back to her desk. It wasn’t that she was expecting a hug or anything. She wasn’t gone for that long after all, but…</p><p>She suddenly felt awkward. She cleared her throat, hoping that it would get JJ’s attention. “Um, Jayje, I wanted to thank you for—”</p><p>When JJ faced her again, holding something in her hand, Emily felt a warmth that started in her chest and spread to her whole body.</p><p>“—covering… for me…”</p><p>It definitely wasn’t the fever this time.</p><p>“It’s just a small <em>welcome back</em> gift… After I stopped you from getting your coffee last time, I figured…”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>For a few seconds, you could almost hear a pin drop as they stared at each other, speechless, both of their gazes dropping to the cup of coffee each of them held in their hands, for the other person. For a while, all that could be heard was the distant ringing of a telephone. It took three rings before anyone answered.</p><p>Emily just watched JJ, her mouth forming an ‘o,’ still not quite believing the situation.</p><p>JJ watched her right back with the same expression, that was until she could feel the corners of her mouth curl up, and it wasn’t too long until she couldn’t stop herself from outright laughing.</p><p>Emily still stood there, a bit amazed, JJ’s laughter making her warm up even more.</p><p>“Hello, my fellow crime fighters, we have a case!” Penelope entered the bullpen and marched briskly towards the conference room, completely oblivious of the scene Emily and JJ were in the middle of. “Boss Lady, you’re back!”</p><p>Before Emily could shake out of her temporary stupor for a reply, JJ stopped her outburst and turned to Penelope. “Coffee, Pen?” She placed the cup in Penelope’s hand not holding her laptop, which the bright woman accepted with delight.</p><p>Behind them, people started arriving. They could hear Luke’s and Matt’s low voices as they chatted. Rossi came out of his office and gave the three women a nod.</p><p>When Penelope walked up to the catwalk, JJ turned to Emily again and said, traces of laughter still on her face and voice, “We have a case.”</p><p>Emily finally shook herself off her daze, unable to stop the surprised smile that formed on her lips. Without any deliberation, she forcefully put the still warm cup of coffee in the hand of whomever passed her by first.</p><p>It happened to be Anderson, who, upon receiving it, looked bewildered and a little scared.</p><p>“I guess we should set up a schedule, huh?” Emily said as she and JJ climbed the steps together, one hand grasping JJ’s elbow unconsciously.</p><p>JJ just laughed in return.</p><hr/><p>And just like that, things went back to normal, like they always did.</p><hr/><p>
  
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Girlfriends? Besties.</p><p>I tried to inject some light humor. I hope it at least made you smile.</p>
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